The Sydney Daily Telegraph Stuffs Up Again. Bonehead Cricket writers this time

Here is the safe bet for the week, Were English cricketers cheating? Daily Telegraph July 14 (Bastard day-sorry Bastille Day) Vote here. An evens bet would double your dosh, Of course a bunch of one eyed morons suffering from a bout of sour grapes would scream yes, then I was surprised to note the "No" vote also proved that not every cricket follower was as biased as the majority.
In my opinion the the most dramatic part of the first test at Cardiff where the pitch resembled a Cow paddock, was the final hour.
The look of utter confidence within the OZ team when the wickets tumbled and the final pair of Pommy no hopers in the batting sense were faced with the daunting task of saving the game.
With sixty six balls to be bowled, the final pair did the unthinkable and batted for fifty minutes and saved the game, both not out at the end, maybe the result was due to the piss poor pedestrian bowling by the gaily prancing-cuddling over confident arrogant attitude of the team administered by their ball scratching scruffy unshaven nose picking gum chewing leader from Tasmania, Who obviously had the wrong head removed in his early years.
The list of dirty tricks used in the game of cricket is well known by most cricketers.The best trick is not getting found out, The list extends much further than the list the Daily Telegraph supplied.
However, this noble game was invented by the Poms (English) going back a fair bit - in a paddock in Hambledon Hampshire(Where a Wasp nest resided near the Style last time I went there) The game is not an even playing field, the toss of a coin gives the winner an unfair advantage to start with, and the game ends after a heap of controversy bitching and nail biting.
I'll finish by saying Ricky Ponting you may be a good exponent in the art of the game, but your 'Nit picking' and anti social appearance leaves much to be desired, Have you tried using soap?

This will be my last post for a while, my time will be taken up by a writing project over the next two or three weeks,if time allows I shall call to comment.
Have a thoughtful day, Vest.

Have your Sydney Daily Telegraph Delivered daily to your door and save big bucks. it also helps if you are too bone idle to walk in the rain to your local newsagent.

Anyhow, old people are at least fifteen years older than me.

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio ...


To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.

It is the most requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 recently, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does..
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37.. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42.. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
Its estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will, forward this with the title '7%'. I'm in the 7%.
Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.

The making of a Baby

This is hilarious!

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!--


The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted

Being selfish by Soldiering On with a head cold.

Of course it is easy for the likes of myself to blather on about staying at home taking it easy.
Being a person with many options; mostly whether I do it or not, all depending on my state of mind at that particular time, a person in the workforce does not have this luxury and in most case's pulls a sickie if he hasn't already used them up to watch sporting activities. However this is mainly for those workaholics and sadly in some cases people totally dependent on being there or being fired.

THE CASE

We are currently being bombarded with television adverts encouraging us to take Codral Cold Tablets so that we can continue to go to work despite suffering from coughs, colds and even influenza. The implication is that by "soldiering on" you are being brave and conquering adversity, and that Codral Cold Tablets will help you win the war. In fact, you are being stupid and anti-social. As I have written before,

"there is no evidence based research indicating that over the counter cough and cold treatments have any effect on shortening the duration of illness" they merely alleviate symptoms.

Soldiering on is very bad advice on two counts. Firstly, the symptomatic relief does nothing for the course of the viral disease, it merely allows the afflicted person to hide the illness, to function more or less normally and to infect as many healthy people as possible. Secondly, by "soldiering on" when they should really be at home looking after themselves, afflicted persons are risking secondary bacterial infections such as bronchitis, middle ear infection and even pneumonia.

If you get a cold, stay at home and be kind to yourself, loaf around, get a lot of of sleep and drink plenty of fluids (non-alcoholic), and lay off the sex. You are not doing anyone any favours by going to work, you won't be very productive and will probably infect a lot of people while you are at it. Remember that colds are spread by droplet infection emitted by coughing and sneezing, so cover your mouth and nose and definitely do not spit in public. Infection can also be spread by touch so don't use the same phone as someone who has a cold, and everyone should wash their hands a lot, especially if they use shared keyboards. If you go to your doctor, don't expect a script for antibiotics. Antibiotics are ineffective against viral illnesses, although our doctor has not learned of this scientific theory and has prescribed Amoxin a antibiotic for nearest and dearest who has symptoms as previously stated.

If you are a manager, do everyone a favour and send infected staff home, and don't expect ill people to come to work, and don't play the martyr and come in yourself if you are sick. Provide paper towels and encourage frequent hand-washing.

As I wrote above, cold and flu tablets, including Codral, do nothing to shorten the course of the disease as they only provide symptomatic relief. Because these cold treatments reduce the apparent symptoms the temptation is to behave normally. If you have a light head-cold with just a runny nose or watering eyes you probably will not do yourself any harm, but you will still pass it on to everyone else. However if you have generalised symptoms such as muscle aches, chills or chest infection you really should rest. Many studies have shown that physical stress delays healing, in other words your cold or flu will hang around longer, especially if you play sport or go to the gym. And remember lay off the sex and sleep solo.

MY VERDICT

Don't soldier on with Codral. It is unfair to yourself and to all your contacts.


BTW. Guess who has a stinker of a head cold, and guess who gave it to me. Vest.

Death Trap Vehicles, Buy Yours 'Now' and become a road death statistic.'

Bargain priced 'No Frills' cars and utes(pickups) Guaranteed to spend more time being repaired than being of practical use to the owner are now on sale in NSW OZ.
Now you would expect these soon to be rust buckets to be significantly cheaper when compared to the trustworthy history of other models that Tradesmen and ute lovers have become accustomed to, well they 'ain't mate', they are just a nibbling bit off the the regular mob prices but that's where it ends and your maintenance cost on these piss poor Chinese chariots become more expensive to support than Paris Hilton with six kids.
A duo of these utes are now in Oz, both of these inferior vehicles are lacking some of the most basic safety features which are mandatory in other vehicles made or allowed into Australia. It is a pity I'm forbidden to use the 'F' word to describe the pair of 'Great Wall' named utes of differing power packages. However, a tradesman hitting a wall in ether of these monstrosities will more than likely leave his family destitute. "You see Mr Bert Westy; Licenced plumber and gas fitter, these pretty and cheap oriental death buggies ain't got any Anti locking brakes or any Air Bags". "And to add to your dilemma when, or if you are silly and spend your hard earned you may like to know beforehand that, neither of these darlings have ever been crash tested for an ANCAP safety rating". Now you may think I am going overboard on this matter but the truth is I am not. Chinese goods have a long standing tradition of being sub standard - unreliable with a dodgy life expectancy,they are like good mates until your money runs out. Many of us have experienced the failure of Chinese hand tools such as Screwdrivers which bend in the screw slot and the same goes for spanners(wrenches) too. My most reliable tools are more than half my age and have Broad Arrows on them - tools which retired from the Brit Navy with yours truly, made in England.
This Saga can be likened to the arrival of that heap of shite the Russian built 'Lada Samara' which sneaked into Oz about fifteen years back, I shall spare you the details of that Volga little horror, whch no self respecting crooked car dealer would take as a used 'trade in'.
So any nutter out there owning one of these Dim Sims on Wheels should be given a compulsary IQ test before taking it on the road, and 'let us all pray' to the Ghost of The Great Henry Ford for the demise of these delightful little motorcars.
Now is the time for a few derogatory slogans to appear, such as: 'Great walls hit the wall faster.

Drive safely, Vest

By Request. A Andrew B versus Vest Re-run of a March 14 - 2009 Post.

March 2009
Andrew B .The Perfection Fascist.

Andrew B, I have known for close up to thirty years from his age of approx 40.
Andrew reminds me of Rowan Atkinson a bit; plus a super nerd with an answer to the worlds problems at his finger tips, at times he can be flippant and angry at what most people would regard as sufficient information to make a point during discourse. Physically non violent, Andrew will remain my friend regardless of his recent outbursts.

Andrew's most recent outburst in an Email received today follows that of his rebuke regarding a recent post in which I posted a 'Joke Poem' , submitted by my bean counting friend Graeme, in the post titled. WRIGLEYS CHEWING GUM 9 March 09, in which Andrew submitted the following stupid corrections.

Vest said...
Andrew: my right to reply, without further remarks, regarding your audacity to infer that my English is imperfect. It is something I am already aware of.
The following Email was sent to me by a friend Andrew B. Who Say's--

I had to edit your item as there are defects in the English.added the word 'me' between fetch -and- another----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Who said Australians weren't romantic?.When a sentence ends with a question mark, there is no need for a (period mark) . to followAs the ? already represents that and the . is included in the ? toindicate the end of a sentence.It means that when Im ready, there's somethin there to grabIt means that when I'm ready, there's somethin' there to grab(apostrophe missing that denotes a missing letter)Somehow it was correct on the second line(Of course I love ya darlin'. You're a bloody top-notch bird.)I think its very sexy that you've got dimples on ya thighs.you've (is an abbreviation, (and a bad one at that) - of - you have.so placing 'got' after it becomes redundant.As it already means 'you have dimples on your thighs"....besides, got in fact the word 'get' means to obtain something by toil.So it does not belong in the sentence on two countsI swear on me nanna's grave now, the moment that we met,Red marked. what is this me nonsense? Written by a 12 year old no doubt.No matter what u look like I'll always love ya dear, now shut up while the footy's on and fetch another beer..Changed to : No matter what you look like; I'll always love ya' dear,Writing just a letter u is a sure sign of illiteracy. (or mental laziness at best)... In the faint hope that the writers English will improve.In a bid to stamp out illiteracy.It seems that many adults have caught this disease.ims@unwired.com.au.................

Vest Say's. " Andrew, go and get well and truly stuffed dicko, only an arsehole of your calibre would fail to recognize it was a copied message sent to me by none other than 'Graeme' who is an accountant and a regular contributor to the comments section". Andrew, if you are unsure how to use the comments section, ask and I will instruct you".Have a thoughtful day, your dear fiend - sorry er - friend ,J L S, aka L J B or Vest.There is only one success - to be able to live your life in your own way and not to give others absurd, maddening claims upon it.
Tuesday, 10 March 2009 08:06:00 AM EST



Today, 14 March 2009.I received the following from Andrew.

DELETE : Ressurect (Your teacher has marked your post as 7/10 due to spelling error.INSERT ResurrectSuggest you write it in Microsoft Word and do a spell check first, or request a spelling checker that will check manyvaried documents. You can possibly find one if by searching on Google. (Maybe the dictionary should be resurrected from the trash can)Also This brazen cockup, engineered by our recently Anointed Labour (Red, or Democrat)PM, relative of Robinfrigging HCheers! [Postscript] Try Labor It is clearly written on all promotional material, press and the party website.... You should not be making such stupid mistakes. You have been in Australia long enough to know better.NOW READ ON AND OPEN YOUR EYES..... (IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS)Note: If the citizens are not armed, what will they fight with if there is (and possibly will be in the near future) a civil war? Sticks? And forget about Martin Bryant, Do the research, read the court and evidence transcripts, and you will discover that he was set up, in order to convince the public to disarm. His future and rights are considered a small price to pay. ( A few dead? - just a small drop in the ocean of humanity) the proletariat needs to be kept powerless, the ruling elite have a need to maintain total power and control - no matter what - Give up your civil rights to be protected? (Rather like the fox telling the chicken that he will protect it) Open your eyes to what is really happening. The US Government is already preparing for a possible civil war occurring. Having pulled the teeth out of every regulatory agency they could locate, the US treasury has been looted by Bush & Co. And for their final coup de grace they bailed out [with public money] the very banks that were culpable for the large part of the financial debacle in the first place. The only thing they are not doing is flying the 'Jolly Roger' from their mast, although they have well and truly Jolly Rogered the world. Didn't see it coming? Come on..... I saw it. And here's the real clincher. Now the financial elite/Zionists/American Imperialists have installed their latest sock-puppet - Obama - to clean up the mess. He can't, so to knee-cap the inevitable revolt, he has Martial Laws at his disposal. And the black folk who are known to start revolts. Nobody can subdue the blacks like Obama can --- Crowd control it's as simple as that.... The ruling establishment has to maintain power and control despite the major Fuck-up they have caused over the past 8 years. Half the population are already pissed-off - they no longer trust the Government in general. A scheme has to be set up to keep everyone ignorant, because the system is falling apart at the seams. The youth are the first ones to protest, and the blacks have a history or rioting. Obama can (at least for now) pacify them. When new powers are passed, the people disarmed, and unable to fight Total control that Hitler would be proud of. Lets say you are one of the puppeteers who run the big show from behind the scenes , If you were one of the deeply embedded in the Military Industrial Complex, the Central Banking System, The Big 5 Media, etc. Yo know the people that steer and even rig the elections, The Disaster Capitalists whose portfolios are set to make profits of any and nearly all disasters. People who seek global domination, and use the United States as a machine to make that a reality. Bush's crimes will be buried forever - Continued perpetual war to create income/wealth for the industrial-military empire. Expansion of taxes to create a global tax to pay for the war on terror (which they themselves created) Build a new missile defense shield. and create a new 'cold war' - Expand copyright laws - (and jail the offenders, and confiscate their property) - Expand FBI powers not only in the USA but to other partner countries. Already, any country that has signed up to the FTA (Free Trade Agreement, is subject to the US Patriot Act. (Which supersedes, local laws) THe FBI have installed their own Office in those countries (Including Australia) This is said to be for the reason to protect US corporate Interests Obama does not speak out about the use of DU munitions issue, and use by the US in foreign countries. DU (Depleted Uranium) for your information has a half life of 4 billion ( 4 million x 1000) years. And caused birth defects and various cancers in those subjected to it) He is dodging the fact that the commission that investigated 9/11 which concluded that 9/11 was a total farce. To admit to the people that, would be political suicide. Obama is a member of the S&B (Skull and Bones) of which there are 900 members. (Bush's administration contained 11 of them) (Not to mention Bush's dad and brother Jeb. Zionist extremists commit equally evil crimes/atrocities like Muslim extremists. (calling for genocide against their enemy) (Same as Nazi's) The USA has become an imperialistic dictatorship. Any country that disapproves will be invaded and beaten to a pulp, and assets removed. Spreading fear about global warming will create new industries and more wealth to the ruling elites. The Carbon Trading Casino will be used to let the poor working bastards to be forced to play and pay, Like the Forex market, Bear Market, Commodities market etc. etc.... My recommendation to all the financial elites, banksters, zionists and stockbrokers working in high-rise buildings JUMP! YOU FUCKERS IMS



Vest Say's poor Andrew. Please get well soon, and remember to be pleasant to your elders. I have also given your medical prognosis to my Chinese doctor who became alarmed on hearing of your malady, he will contact you soon.
BTW, you did not spell check your most recent tirade. Have a thoughtful day. Vest.
PS, don't use the 'F' word on my blog.

Bloggers who comment. "How many incorrect spelling and punctuation mistakes did Andrew score in his statement regarding the state of the union"? I counted 29.

posted by Vest @ 3/14/2009 10:48:00 AM 17 comments links to this post
14 March 2009.
................ .

This is what the fuss was all about.

WRIGLEY'S CHEWING GUM! An Australian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him. The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation. The American snapped his gum and said, 'You Australian folk eat the whole bread?' The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, 'of course.' The American blew a huge bubble. 'We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia.' The American had a smirk on his face. The Australian listened in silence. The American persisted, 'D'ya eat jam with your bread?' Sighing, the Australian replied, 'of course.' Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, 'we don't. In the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and the leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Australia . The Australian then asked, 'Do you have sex in the States?' The American smiled and said 'Why of course we do.' The Australian leaned closer to him and asked, 'And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?' 'We throw them away, of course!' Now it was the Australians turn to smile. 'We don't. In Australia , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States. Why do you think it's called Wrigley's?'



Who said Australians weren't romantic?.

Of course I love ya darlin. You're a bloody top-notch bird.

And when I say you're gorgeous. I mean every single word.

So ya bum is on the big side. I don't mind a bit of flab.

It means that when I'm ready, there's somethin there to grab.

So your belly isn't flat no more; I tell ya, I don't care.

So long as when I cuddle ya I can get my arms round there.

No sheila who is your age has nice round perky breasts.

They just gave in to gravity but I know ya did ya best.

I'm tellin' ya the truth now, I never tell ya lies.

I think its very sexy that you've got dimples on ya thighs.

I swear on me nanna's grave now, the moment that we met, I thought you was as good as I was ever gonna get.

No matter what u look like I'll always love ya dear, now shut up while the footy's on and fetch another beer..


Vest sez im shor youse dun fink mese rite lyk dat.

Message for Andrew B ims.

Andrew B ims. I have spared you the indignity of exposure by not posting your vitriolic email contents worldwide although you will be aware by now a selected number of associates do have the full contents.
Remember, True friendship is unconditional, at least it is with me.

Andrew: May the almighty, grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Have a thoughtful day, Vest.